


Amor Omnia Vincit

by milexandmore



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, M/M, Mention of torture, Past Character Death, Past Lover, Redbeard - Freeform, mention of drug use, mention of violence, sherrinford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:24:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8071528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milexandmore/pseuds/milexandmore
Summary: Mycroft decides to tell the whole truth about his brother to John. After hearing what made Sherlock like this, what John would decides about his relationship with Sherlock?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to SilentRaven97 for the beta of this story! 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it, please leave comments or kudos if you enjoy it, it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> Thank you, I let you read in peace now ^^

It’s been a week now that Mary has been dead, a week since John had shot her as she was threatening the life of Sherlock once more. He couldn’t take it now; nobody has the right to take Sherlock away from him once more.

A week, during which he distanced himself from everything and everyone, a week, during which he had barely seen the light of the day. Indeed, he had stood at home never opening the blind, unable to sleep because the look of shock on his wife’s face when he pulled the trigger came back to haunt him but more than that it was the look of Sherlock covered in blood that kept him from sleeping. He was barely able to eat too, disgusted with himself and the whole situation. He refused the company of everyone, even Mrs Hudson, unable to face the consequences of what he has just done, how could he even try to explain to anyone not in the know of who his wife truly was? And even then, even if he didn’t have to tell or explain what he had done, how could he pretend to care that his bloody wife was dead, when all he could think of was how Sherlock was doing?

The last time he saw him he was taken in an ambulance, mostly unconscious, they didn’t let him go with him because he wasn’t family, and when he had followed them to the hospital he wasn’t able to see him because he was in intensive care. Then Mycroft ‘kidnapped’ him to have his witness statement taken. Once he was done, Mycroft told him that he wouldn’t be able to see Sherlock, before he thought what would be the right moment. John tried to protest obviously, but in vain.

‘The right moment’ these three words kept ringing in John’s head for the past week.

“The right moment? What’s that even supposed to mean? And who does Mycroft think he is to forbid me to see his brother? … For God’s sake, if it wasn’t for me, he would probably be dead, killed by Mary on this bloody roof… if… if I didn’t arrive on time… oh god…What if that’s what happened, what if Sherlock had died upon arriving in the hospital and that’s why Mycroft didn’t want him to see him… oh god… oh god… that’s enough, I can’t stand this anymore, I’m going to the hospital and I will see Sherlock alive or… or dead…’’

John opens the front door and is a bit blinded by the light outside.

“Dr Watson, if you may follow me’’ says a woman, but he can’t really see her face, still blind because of the bright light of the day.

But as soon as he sees the black car in front of him, he understands and then recognises Anthea, who is standing next to him.

“No, I won’t follow you; I’m fed up with Mycroft and his orders! And I don’t care if he is the bloody British Government or the Queen or I don’t know which secret service… I won’t take it anymore!’’

“I’m afraid Doctor Watson that you don’t have the choice.’’ and with that he feels a needle in his neck and his vision goes blurred, then black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey here is chapter 2 ! Once again I'd like to thank SilentRaven97 for correcting my mistakes on this story.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it !  
> Chapter 3 should be uploaded tomorrow night and it should get interesting but I'll not spoil anything, so enjoy your reading :)

He wakes up in a big leather chair, in some sort of interrogation room. In front of him are a metal table and a big white screen. He hasn’t even had the time to take in his full surroundings before Mycroft opens the door.

 

“I take you had a good sleep Doctor Watson.'' 

 

“Why am I here Mycroft? And where am I exactly?’’

 

“I take it you do not recognise these surroundings but we are in one of the offices of the Diogenes Club and I simply invited you for a cup of tea, haven’t you received my card?’’

 

“I’m not in the mood for jokes Mycroft, why did you bloody drag me here?’’

 

‘’I **drag** **ged** you here because you wouldn’t come willingly and because I think it’s the right moment.’’

 

“The right moment?’’

 

“Yes…’’ Mycroft was about to continue his sentence but it seems that John had decided otherwise.

 

“The right moment for what exactly? What’s that all about? Why did you forbid me to see your brother? What were you thinking… that I will hurt him? Kill him? I’m a bloody doctor for god’s sake and for these past few years I probably saved him more times than you have in your whole life. You were even the one who asked me to look after him when we got out of that bloody plane where we could have lost him once again, so what happened that you don’t trust me anymore? Eh?’’

 

“It’s complicated Doctor Watson. And maybe if you stop interrupting me I could have a chance to explain.’’

 

“Yes, please explain!’’

 

“If I invited you in here, that’s not only for having a nice chat and a cup of tea as you can imagine, I’m here to talk about more important matters, though we will have a cup of tea anyway.’’

 

“By more important matters, you mean the death of my wife?’’

 

“Amongst others, Dr Watson, the death of your wife is not really an important matter to me as it has already been taking care of. Indeed, the woman you know as Mary Morstan and who you called your wife has never existed, therefore you have never been married, no messy divorce for you, doctor. There will also be no consequences whatsoever for your shot that killed her, as that’s never happened officially. The death of AGRA, an ex-secret agent who has gone freelance, has indeed been reported as collateral damage during a special mission, you don’t need to know more as it is none of your business anymore.’’

 

“If you have sorted this out without me, and I have apparently nothing to say about this, then why have you called me here?’’

 

“I’m coming to this Doctor, but first I have to make sure that you are ready to hear what I have to say. You have to listen to me through all of it and make a vow that nothing that will be said today between us, even the very existence of our meeting, will come to the ears of my brother. Am I clear Doctor Watson?’’

 

“So after I have listened to your speech, I will finally be able to see your brother? How is he?’’

 

"Yes, you’ll be able to see him, and he is as right as someone can be after having endured torture in the hands of your wife. Now can you make a vow that you will not say a word about this to him?"

 

“I do not need a reminder of what my bloody wife did to Sherlock, Mycroft, and yes I can make a vow, though knowing your brother he’ll probably deduce in a second that I had a meeting with you. You know that?’’

 

‘’You’re right; he can know that we had a meeting, but he absolutely can’t know the reason why. You will only tell him that it was to sign some papers for your deceased wife, that’ll do it.’’

 

“If you think so…’’

 

“It will have to! Now Doctor Watson, I will tell you everything I know about my brother that would directly or indirectly concern you and your relationship with him. When I’m be finished you have to make a decision, I hope you will make the good one, one way or another you can be sure that I’ll respect whatever decision you make. Are you ready Doctor? The vision you have of my brother may change after hearing what I’m about to say.’’

 

“I’m ready Mycroft, I’m sure whatever you have to say, I can handle it, I’m sure I have heard worse…’’

 

“I’m not quite sure about that doctor…’’

 

At this instant, someone knocks on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr: http://artsherlocked.tumblr.com/  
> If you had request or prompts you can contact me either through my tumblr or by sending me an email at artsherlocked@gmail.com  
> Hope you like the story


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 3! Enjoy ;)  
> It's getting a bit more interesting and we learn more about Sherlock past...  
> Again thanks to SilentRaven97 for correcting my mistakes

“You may enter’’ answers Mycroft.

 

“Here are your cups of tea Doctor Watson, Mr Holmes’’ says Anthea as she leaves two cups of tea on the table John is sitting at.

 

“Thank you’’ answers John.

 

“Thank you Anthea, you are dismissed. Make sure we aren’t interrupted for the next hour. ”replies Mycroft.

 

“Certainly sir.’’ and with that Anthea leaves the room.

 

Mycroft locks the door behind her and proceeds.

 

“Now we have our tea, I think we can start. I have taken the liberty to show you some pictures which will illustrate my speech, if you don’t mind.’’ said Mycroft, turning off the light and turning on an overhead projector.

 

The first slide said:

William Sherlock Scott Holmes

Classified Documents

Property of Mycroft Holmes

 

“You’re like your brother, aren’t you? You could never resist a touch of drama eh!’’

 

“I would prefer if you do not interrupt me and only make yourself heard at the end of this, Doctor. Now if I may, I will proceed.

Here is a picture of the Holmes family taken when Sherlock was about 4 years old. The little boy you see next to him, who looks just like Sherlock, is Sherrinford, Sherlock’s twin brother.’’

 

“Sherlock has a twin brother???’’ interrupts John.

 

Mycroft glares at him.

 

“He had Doctor Watson, he had, I’m coming to this.

This is the last photo we have of all the family together, one year later while we were on holiday in our house in the Sussex, Sherrinford died. We were at the sea, and Sherlock and Sherrinford were swimming, then the weather changed quite quickly and a storm started, the water rose and soon Sherlock and Sherrinford, who were only 5 by then, couldn’t come back on the beach on their own, that’s when I intervened. I swam to them and took Sherlock in my arms but when I reached for Sherrinford, a big wavepushed us all under, when I could breathe and see again, Sherrinford was nowhere to be found and Sherlock was unconscious in my arms. At this moment I had to take the biggest decision of my life, go back to the beach with only Sherlock or try to save Sherrinford while risking the life of Sherlock and probably mine as I felt the water becoming more and more agitated. So I swam back to the beach, and we took Sherlock to the hospital, I wanted to go back in the water to search for Sherrinford but my father stopped me, saying that it was probably too late as he had drowned when the wave hit us, going back would be suicide, and he didn’t want to lose another of his sons.

When Sherlock woke up in the hospital, he immediately asked for his brother, our father told him what happened and of course he blamed me for his death. The thing is, he didn’t understand why I chose him over Sherrinford. That’s not quite true, but I knew that Sherrinford was stronger than Sherlock, always had been, even if they were the same age, Sherrinford was brighter, stronger, and Sherlock always looked up to him as a model. So I really thought that Sherrinford would be able to swim a little bit longer than Sherlock, and that’s why I reached for Sherlock first, and we all probably would have survived if that wave hadn’t hit us.

After his death, Sherlock as you can assume was devastated, he didn’t talk for weeks, only playing his violin, until my father came home with Redbeard.

It was a baby dog that one of his hunting friends gave him. He thought that it could cheer Sherlock up a bit, and he was quite right. From that day on, Redbeard became Sherlock’s one and only friend.

Mycroft changes the slide and shows John one picture of a little smiling Sherlock dressed up as a pirate with a red setter at his side. John smiles to himself; it seems to him that he had never seen Sherlock smile like this.

He took him everywhere, he still didn’t really talk to us and not at all to me but he was constantly chatting and playing with Redbeard. That dog help him cope with the mourning of Sherrinford, and in a way he replaced him a bit. I warned him not to become too attached to his dog, as I wouldn’t want him to suffer some more when he would die. I told him that caring was not an advantage, but as you can imagine, he didn’t listen to me. So when we had to put Redbeard down, he hit a new low, he started to have panic attacks and was associating Redbeard’s death with Sherrinford’s death. We send him to see a psychologist and that’s when he learned about sociopathy, in a book of psychology, and proclaims himself a sociopath. He shut down all his emotions, pretending he didn’t care anymore about anything so that he won’t be hurt again. After a while, he even found out how to stop his panic attacks.

It was his way to deal with the bullies at school too. As you can imagine, Sherlock was never a ‘normal’ kid with his superior intelligence and his powers of deduction. He only succeeded to make friends thanks to Sherrinford, who knew how to integrate themselves, and told Sherlock that even if he was impressed by his powers of deduction, he should always think twice of what he said about them. But when Sherlock returned to school, after Sherrinford died, nobody was there to protect him and he became a bully. It even lasted until the university, he was always the ’strange’ one, the sociopath, but one saw through his mask and sensed his vulnerability, and used it to his advantage. His name was Victor Trevor.” 

 

Mycroft changes the slide to show a picture of an arrogant and posh boy about 20 years old and John instantly hates him.

 

“Victor Trevor made my brother believe he was friends with him. He introduced him to his friends and their not so legal activities, if you see what I mean, Sherlock became his sort of tester.’’

 

John feels his blood boil at this revelation.

 

“My brother… well… fell in love with him and trusted him more than anyone. Of course, when he told him so, Victor abandoned him in some drug den, in withdrawal. My brother found a way of having what he needed anyway, and the hospital phoned me after he was found overdosing. He probably gave my number as emergency contact, because he was certainly too afraid of my parents’ reaction. After this day, I have got him out of I don’t know how many drug dens, and we made the promise of the list, as I wasn’t able to prevent him to take those drugs, I wanted to be at least able to know what he had taken.’’

 

John swears that if he finds this Victor Trevor, he will not have one more day to live. As he now knows that Sherlock’s addiction is all his fault.

 

“That lasted until one day, Detective Inspector Lestrade had to conduct an enquiry in some drug den where Sherlock was. To be short, Sherlock solves his case and his reputation. I, then, negotiate with him that he takes Sherlock on some of his cases to help him out of the drugs. He even accommodated him while I found him some decent place to live. Thanks to Lestrade and the cases, my brother was able to overcome his addiction, but he was still lonely and heartbroken if you don’t mind the romanticism of this term. He even started to become suicidal.’’

 

And at this next revelation John’s blood runs cold. He knew about suicide thoughts after what happen in Afghanistan, and never for one second had he imagined that Sherlock could have gone through the same, though with all what he had just heard it doesn’t really surprise him, he’s not sure that he have survived so much drama himself.

 

“That was of course until he met you, I guess…’’

 

And with that John looks up to Mycroft in disbelief.

 

“I think I did not only underestimate your loyalty towards my brother the first time we met but also how much good you would be for my brother. I’m sorry I was so suspicious about you by the way but I didn’t want another Victor Trevor around my brother as you can understand.’’

 

And suddenly John remembers his first meeting with Mycroft in the abandoned warehouse, and how his attitude makes more sense to him now. Mycroft genuinely cares about his brother, even though he doesn’t really know how to proceed with him.

 

“I’d like to thank you Doctor for all what you have done for my brother.’’ Mycroft says with a more sincere sense of emotion than John has ever witnessed from him.

 

“You don’t have to thank me Mycroft, I was only acting as a friend is supposed to act.’’

 

“That’s precisely it Doctor Watson, you see, my brother never had a friend before… But anyway I’m not quite finished and this last bit concernes you more than anyone else.

I have to warn you that this last bit may not be easier for you, but I want you to know the whole truth about my brother when you walk out through that door...

That will take us to his fake suicide. My brother and I made an agreement before he meet up with Moriarty, he knew that this game would have to come to an end eventually and the sooner, the better. As we planned, well Moriarty wanted to push Sherlock to his death to end the game, no one would know that he faked it so that he sounds as real as possible’’

 

John clears his throat “no one? Eh?’’

 

“Yes no one except those who were essential to the plan. Sherlock wanted to let you know but I convinced him that you would safer if you didn’t know and that’s all it takes. You know the only thing he wanted was for you to be safe and happy.’’

 

“Happy? How could I be happy when I witnessed his death with my own eyes and wasn’t even able to stop it, to stop him. I had his suicide on my conscience for two years, I should have been happy with what exactly? Mmh?’’

 

“He didn’t realise how much you care about him and neither did I. He really thought that at the end you would be better off without him, and to be honest I thought that too. I thought that you were staying with him out of pity, and that he wasn’t that important to you… I’m sorry Doctor…’’

 

“Don’t you dare to be sorry!’’ John gets up and bangs his fist on the table. “Sherlock not important to me? On what planet exactly are you living? Sherlock is my best friend, and the best and wisest man I have ever met, how could he not be important to me? And how could I be better off without him as he saved me from killing myself after I came back from Afghanistan, as he gave me a reason to live…’’ John spits, almost out of breath because of how angry he is.

 

“He was supposed to return to you, well to return to London…, once he had dismantled Moriarty’s network, I think that’s the only thing that kept him alive while he was out there… you know the first thing he asked upon arriving here?’’

 

“No…’’ answers John trying to calm himself, sitting down again.

 

“How is John?’’

 

And John actually feels the tears come up to his eyes.

 

“And that’s the first thing he asked too when he woke up in hospital few days ago… John… He endured captivity, torture and even I don’t know how much to make sure you would be safe, he sacrificed himself for you without question while he was in Serbia…’’

Mycroft changes the slide and shows a picture of Sherlock taken just before they had taken him out of his captivity, still caught in chains, covered in blood…

“That’s in the state he was in when we took him out of Serbia, a few days before he returned to London, a few days before you saw him again…’’

 

John remembers how he had welcomed Sherlock upon his return at the Landmark, and wants to kick himself for how violent he was, and oh god, how he must have hurt him when he kicked him to the floor on his back… John thinks he may actually vomit seeing the picture of Sherlock in these conditions and imagining the pain he had endured and the pain he himself had inflicted on him afterwards that day…

Mycroft didn’t seem to take the hint as he continues.

 

“After this experience, the panic attacks came back and I think he still suffers from them. You know, he helped you plan the perfect wedding only to make you happy and in hope of gaining your forgiveness… I can tell you that my brother truly cares about you more than he ever cared about anyone, even that stupid Victor Trevor. But John…’’

 

And John realises that Mycroft had actually called him John twice for the first time, not Doctor or Doctor Watson but John and judging by the look on his face, Mycroft is about to say something very personal about his brother.

 

“I’m not sure, it is my role to say that to you, but as my brother will probably never tell you or at least not before you have told him…’’

 

“What Mycroft?’’ says John with actual tears in his eyes, he thinks he never had to suffer that much emotionally in his whole life.

 

“The thing is, I don’t want to see him suffer anymore especially because of that…’’

 

“For god’s sake Mycroft! What is it?’’

 

“My brother… my brother is clearly in love with you…’’

 

John thinks he is about to faint when he hears that but Mycroft does not seem to be finished.

 

“He will never tell you because he doesn’t want to lose you like he lost Victor, that’s what he told me after he came back to me after your wedding. I had deduced that he was in love with you a long time ago but he didn’t actually admit it until that night. He came to my door crying, and having an emotional meltdown, I had never seen him like that. He said that he had lost you but then that you hadn’t ever been his. He spent the night crying like after he had lost Redbeard or after we lost Sherrinford, he really thought that Mary would take you away and that he would never see you again, that you would forget him. In the morning, when I woke up, he was gone. I only heard from him again when you had taken him out of the drug den, I thought my nightmare was starting again. I don’t believe it was for a case John, or not entirely if you know what I mean…’’

 

At this instant, Mycroft finally seems to notice that John is crying.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 4, I'm glad that you all seems to like this story.  
> Thanks to SilentRaven97 who did a great job at correcting my mistakes :)  
> Oh and by the way, I forgot to mentions on Chapter 3, I don't know if any of you are doing fanart, but I'd like to illustrate this fic, I don't know maybe doing a drawing or a photo manipulation for the photos Mycroft is showing to John. If any of you is interested in providing some illustrations, please contact me at artsherlocked@gmail.com or through my Tumblr artsherlocked. Of course I'll mention you and redirect to your blog or a website if you have any.

“I’m sorry Doctor Watson, I really am but I think it was important for you to know the whole truth… before you take your decision…’’

 

“What decision?’’

 

“My brother is coming back to Baker Street today in approximately one hour. You have to take a decision concerning your relationship with him before I take you there to see him.’’

 

“My relationship with him?’’

 

‘’You have three choices Doctor Watson:

\- 1st you can decide to terminate your relationship with my brother, in this case I'll arrange a new life for you and make sure he will never find you.’’

 

“Why would I do that Mycroft?’’

 

“I don’t know, maybe you do not want any more drama after this fiasco with your wife and it can be the right moment to start a new life…’’

 

“Well clearly you don’t know me, what’re my other choices then…’’

 

“Well you can forever continue your relationship without acting upon his feelings for you, pretending you don’t know them or… you can decide to love my brother as he definitely deserves after all he has been through… So Doctor Watson, what is your decision?’’

 

“You want me to go to Baker Street and tell your brother, who has just gotten out of the hospital, that I love him and kiss him senseless, that’s it?’’

 

“I didn’t say that Doctor Watson!’’ answers Mycroft looking offended by how John had put this.

“Moreover, you can’t just go here and do that, you not even supposed to know that he is in love with you. I suggest you take things slow with him but if you’re ready to finally let him know that you love him too, then for god sake go on!’’

 

And that was John’s turn to look offended.

 

“How do you know that I love him?’’

 

“So you do love him, Doctor Watson?’’

 

“Mycroft, how many times do I have to tell you, I’m not actually gay!’’

 

“No indeed you aren’t, I believe you fall in the bisexual spectrum, Doctor.’’

 

“What? No I’m…I’m…’’

 

“Doctor Watson, I’m aware of your little affair with your ex-commander, Major Sholto. It is ok you know, I believe we live in a time where finally you are able to love who you want. So now, put that stupid excuse aside, and tell me honestly… Are you in love with my brother, John?’’

 

“I…’’

 

John looks at his hands then takes a deep breath and blurts out

 

“Yeah ok I am, I’ve been for a very long time, probably from the day I met him or the next when I saved his life. But Mycroft, I don’t think your brother feels things that way, or at least not for me… The closest he came to love was with the woman or maybe Janine…’’

 

“Oh John I can assure you that what he felt for the woman was purely admiration for her intelligence and her power but that is not love, and when it comes to Janine, nothing happened, she lied to the media to get her vengeance. You know sometimes my brother can be a very stupid man, I had heard of his little demonstration of affection with her in front of you but that was basically to make you jealous… to know if at least he could make you jealous…’’

 

“I don’t believe you Mycroft, if he was in love with me why did he never make a move…’’

 

“Maybe if you don’t believe me, you’ll believe the facts…’’

 

Mycroft throws a file in front of John.

 

“This is a copy of what Sherlock showed to Miss Hooper when she had helped him prepare your stag night… Of course my brother had the original, I presume it is in the drawer of his bedside table… if you want to check…’’

 

On the file is written:

CASE FILE

Confidential

DR JOHN WATSON

John opens the file and the first page is a copy of the Vitruvian man of Leonardo da Vinci, with his face glued to the face of the man.

 

“I believe you know the meaning of what the Vitruvian man is Doctor Watson, it is supposed to represent the ideal human proportions, or to be more simple the ideal man, my brother pasted your face on it because I believe you are his ideal man…’’

 

John couldn’t believe that Sherlock had done that, neither that it meant that he is his ideal man. He goes to the other page and sees his birth certificate; he already knew that Sherlock had obtained it somehow. The following documents are some of his medical records and some of Sherlock’s medical records, on another are written 'the approximate measurements of John Hamish Watson' and some numbers scribbled under it. The following shows physical details of John Hamish Watson: 'eye colour: a very deep ocean blue… Birth marks: unknown, physical injuries: one ball hole on his left shoulder though never observed…' The following one is a drawing of John signed by Sherlock. John never knew that Sherlock could draw. Then are some of the articles who feature pictures of both of them. The official photo of John in the army, god knows how Sherlock had obtained it, followed by his army records. John was starting to connect the dots though he can’t believe that any of it is true.

 

“So Doctor Watson? What is your decision?’’

 

“I need to see your brother.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> However I'm not sure I'll be able to post chapter 5 tomorrow, I'll maybe take a bit more time to upload the next ones, it may not be one chapter a day, but more like a chapter every two or three days, I'm sorry but UNI is getting busy and I need to let time to my beta to correct the chapters before I upload them, I hope you understand.   
> As always if you like the story, leave a comment and/or a kudo ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SilentRaven97 for correcting my mistakes.  
> John faces Sherlock, we'll see what happen...

John arrives at Baker Street before Sherlock.

 

“I can continue alone from here Mycroft.” John said when they arrived in front of the door to 221B.

But Mycroft doesn’t move and waits for John to open the door.

 

“Please Mycroft I need to be alone with him to discuss all of this. Please…’’

 

“Ok as you want Doctor Watson, but know that if you hurt my brother, I will personally take care of you!’’ says Mycroft with the most menacing tone he can do, and in his case it’s pretty menacing but that’s not nearly enough to make John afraid he just nods and opens the door.

 

As Sherlock has not arrived yet, John wants to take advantage of his absence to check if what Mycroft said about the file is true. So he goes to Sherlock’s bedroom and opens the drawer of his bedside table and indeed there is the file right here.

John takes it in hand and starts to look at it again to get around the idea that this is real, he is not dreaming. But as he comes to the end of it he sees a bunch of papers that were not in the file that Mycroft showed him. And this one bunch of papers retained his attention more than any of the others.

 

It is the text of The Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013, followed by a page of information on what papers are necessary to get married, and a form to complete and return at a city council to make a reservation to get married. The form was already complete with John and Sherlock’s names and all the information that was necessary, the only missing thing was John’s signature. Attached to this was a paper with the date at which the file has been requested by a certain William Scott on November 1st which John quickly recalls is the date of his return, well at least the day he had come to see John at the Landmark.

 

At this moment Sherlock enters the flat escorted by a nurse but John is so in shock by what he had just discovered that he doesn’t even hear him enter.

 

“I think I can manage alone from now, thank you for helping me with the stairs.’’ 

 

“Anytime Mr Holmes, is there anything I can do for you’’

 

“No I think I’m ok, thanks”

 

“Ok so I will leave you now, goodbye”

 

“Goodbye”

 

Sherlock walks still painfully to his chair, but as he is about to sit down, he sees someone standing in his bedroom doorway his back to him.

 

Sherlock approaches his bedroom and with disbelief says:

 

“John?”

 

John is startled and turn around with the file still in his hand.

 

“Sherlock! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…”

Sherlock opens his eyes wide when he notices what John has in hand, especially the piece about wedding information.

 

He almost runs to John, takes the file from him and puts it back in his bedside table drawer.

 

“You weren’t supposed to see that John! I’m sorry…”

 

“You wanted to marry me?”

 

“John it’s not… it’s not what you think…”

 

“I don’t think Sherlock; this is simply what I observe!”

 

“It’s just… It’s not that… I didn’t mean to…”

 

“If you didn’t want to marry me, why did you ask for these papers and completed the form? Eh?”

 

“It’s just that… please don’t be angry John… I just wanted to…”

 

“I’m not angry Sherlock; I just want to understand what that’s all about?”

 

Sherlock turns away from John and starts:

 

“John, I… when I was away, you were the only thing I was thinking of… I was telling myself that even if I was suffering it was worth it because you were safe and happy here in London, away from danger and suffering…”

 

Sherlock continues his voice starts to become hoarse from crying: 

 

“I realised back there that my feelings for you were beyond mere friendship. You were the most important person in my life, the only one keeping me alive and trusting me when no one could… So when… when I was back there I made myself a promise that when I’ll come back to you I’ll tell you how much you mean to me… I will actually confess my feelings for you… I was so worked up at the idea of seeing you again, I had imagined so many scenarios in my head of what could actually happen, and then I got the idea that I could actually show you how much you mean to me by asking you to marry me, I know that it was stupid… That was probably the lack of sleep or I don’t know why, what made me think that that was a good idea…”

 

Sherlock cries a bit louder now… 

 

“But again, I was pretty stupid to think that you’d have waited for me, that you’ll be happy to see me, happy that I’ve come back, and that you’ll return the feelings… I know that you are not gay John, you have stated so many times… It’s just sometimes I had imagined… “

 

Sherlock turns to John his face covered in tears but not actually looking at him but at his foot.

 

“Please forgive me John, forget it… “

 

Sherlock takes back the file and throws it in the trash.

 

“Forget all of these…please…”

 

But it is too much for John to process. He passes by Sherlock

 

“Sorry Sherlock, but I need some air and some time to process that.” and with that he leaves.

 

Sherlock is sure that this time he has gone to far, that John will never come back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SilentRaven97 for the beta of this chapter. 
> 
> John gets to thinks of what Sherlock had just told him...

As soon as John had passed the door he takes a deep breath and lets the tears flow.

 

Sherlock had confessed his feelings for him. He finally told him all that he ever wanted to hear for years and more, so why he isn’t able to make a move, to tell him that the feelings are mutual. Why can’t he do that?

 

John decides to take a walk to Regent’s Park. He sits on a bench and contemplates this whole situation.

 

John can only imagine Sherlock, happy to finally return to London, to return to him with the idea it seams to get their relationship to a new level. And what actually happens? He discovers first that John hadn’t waited for him as he was about to ask another person to marry him, and then that as John had welcomed him, he probably wasn’t even happy that Sherlock had come back, that he was alive.

God John feels like a dick for his reaction, but how was he supposed to react exactly? He arrives looking as beautiful and confident as ever, and broke all John’s false ideas that he had succeed to move on. Actually he had felt like all the feelings he had bottled up during these two years, trying to forget them, had rushed through him all at the same time as he had laid eyes on Sherlock again.

 

He decides to call the only person who probably knows him best after Sherlock, his sister.

 

“Harry?”

 

“John? It’s been awhile, how are you doing?”

 

“I’m… I’m fine… I suppose…”

 

“What does it mean you suppose? What happened?”

 

“Harry can I ask you a question?”

 

“Sure, go on”

 

“How did you have know you were gay?”

 

“Oh John, I don’t know really, it seems that deep down I have always known, but what is this about?”

 

“Harry, I think I might be gay, well not gay but at least bisexual…”

 

“And?”

 

“And what? I’m confused, I never felt that before…”

 

“Felt what John? You don’t have to be confused, if you think you’re bisexual then you probably are, there’s no big deal, you know people tend to be more tolerant now, well at least some people, there’re always some dickheads who don’t understand but…”

 

“I don’t know Harry; I think I never loved someone like that… I love him so much it actually hurts sometimes, and I have no idea of what to do… It’s like it’s all new to me… I did have feelings for one man before well not feelings but attraction and I had so much admiration for him but it never was like that, I never thought that I could love someone that much and especially a man, Harry…”

 

“Are we talking about this detective of yours?”

 

“Yes I’m talking about Sherlock, but how do you know?”

 

“Oh John, I have seen the way you talked about him, the way you admired him, but especially I see how his supposed death has affected you, it’s like when you lost him you actually lost you too. I had never seen you like that… I didn’t believe one second in your wedding with that woman when Sherlock had come back, that’s why I didn’t come I didn’t want to watch you make the biggest mistake of your life!”

 

“I think that I made another mistake Harry…”

 

“What have you done?”

 

“He confessed his feelings for me, confessed that when he had came back he wanted to asking me to marry him but that he was forced to reconsider as I had already asked another person to marry me.”

 

“And what have you said?”

 

“Nothing… I just ran away…”

 

“You what? Why?”

 

“I didn’t know what to do! I panicked! God I left him there crying with his heart in his hands for me to take after his confession and I had just run away…”

John starts to cry again.

 

“What can I do now, Harry?”

 

“Well first you could tell him that you love him too and then I think that’s obvious no?”

 

“Then what?”

 

“Marry him, you idiot! I promise to come this time and even help you organise it!”

 

“I don’t know Harry; I don’t think I’m ready…”

 

“Ready? How long have you known Sherlock, John?”

 

“Six years…”

 

“And for how long you have been in love with him John? Honestly?”

 

“Six years I suppose…”

 

“Well if after six years you aren’t ready I don’t know what you’re waiting for… I just think you are afraid, so don’t be. Don’t think about what others will think, or what Mum and Dad would think, what counts is only what you feel. If Sherlock makes you happy, and I know he does then everyone who dares to judge you could go to hell!”

 

“I think you’re right Harry!”

 

“Of course I’m right John! Now be brave like a soldier and go find the man you loved and show him how much you love him for god’s sake!”

 

“Thank you Harry”

 

“You’re welcome brother, and keep me informed!”

 

“I will, bye”

 

“Bye John”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I haven't updated this story in awhile, and this chapter is a bit short but I was busy with UNI. Anyway, here is the next chapter, I have a few chapters ready so it won't be long before the next one should be uploaded.  
> Once again, I'd like to thank SilentRaven97 for correcting my mistakes.  
> Hope you like the story, and as always please leave kudos and comments to let me know what you're thinking ;) It really means a lot to me :)

John gets up from the bench and goes to the closest jewellery store.

As he enters the jewellery store, a seller welcomes him:

 

“Can I help you with anything, sir?”

 

“Yeah, I would like to buy a ring, an engagement ring, please.”

 

“Sure, it’s for your girlfriend?”

 

“No actually, it’s for… my boyfriend…” There he said it, and he now feels ready for whatever comment will come from the seller.

 

The seller smiles to him and says:

“Oh lucky boy then!”

 

John smiles too, he is surprised he didn’t have to face a shocked face or whatever mean comment. He is actually happy at the man’s reaction that makes him feel like this is so natural. He follows the seller to another part of the jewellery store.

 

“Here is our selection of men’s rings, is there one that would be to your boyfriend’s liking?”

 

John takes a look at the choice of rings and there, he sees one that instantly reminds him of Sherlock. It’s an elegant thin gold ring, and engraved in it are some small bees.

 

“Yes I think he would definitely like this one. Can I make an inscription in it?”

 

“Sure but it will take a couple of minutes, is that a problem?”

 

“No go on, I have some time ahead of me.”

 

“What message you would like to have engraved, sir?”

 

John actually had to think of the right words, he wants it to be perfect. Keep it short and simple he tells himself.

 

“ I would like to our initials engraved; WSSH & JHW followed by this message in Latin Amor Omnia Vincit, I heard that it is possible to write a hidden message only visible with a magnifying glass, could you do that as well ?”

 

“Sure”

 

A couple of minutes after John is ready to get out of the jewellery store with a big smile on his face and a beautiful ring in his pocket.

 

“Good luck with your proposal, Mr. Watson, I’m sure your boyfriend will be a very happy man!” says the seller as he opens the door.

 

It only reassures John that he’s doing the right thing.

“Thank you” John nods and gets outside.

 

He is a bit nervous but he’s getting around to the idea, that he loves Sherlock and there is absolutely no problem with that. So John takes a deep breath and starts to walk to Baker Street.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta reader SilentRaven97.   
> Hope you like the story ;)

 

Sherlock hasn’t moved for several minutes. He is on his knees in the middle of the corridor, crying. He is only thinking: that’s it, John has left me for good this time, I have gone too far. What an idiot am I…

I need to feel him, feel the last reminder of him, and engrave it all into my mind palace so I would never forget him…

 

He takes a deep breath and directs himself to John’s chair. He takes a seat, or rather snuggles up in it, taking in the scent of John. He decides that it is definitely not enough. He directs himself upstairs to John’s bedroom, suffering through all the stairs but it doesn’t matter, that’s nothing compared to the pain in his heart at the idea of never seeing John again, never hearing his voice again…

He arrives at the top of the stairs, gritting his teeth from the pain, and directs himself towards John’s bed, which to be honest doesn’t smell too much like John as he hasn’t slept here in a while. Deceived, Sherlock decides to go to his wardrobe, he knows that John had left some of his jumper in there when he had come to take care of him last year after Mary shot him. He takes his favourite and decides to go back downstairs. He takes off his coat, realising he still hasn’t taken it off. Takes his costume jacket and shirt off too and puts on John’s jumper and retreats to snuggle up in John’s chair.

 

And with John’s smell all around him, he can actually imagine that he is still here with him He can even let himself imagine that he is John’s arms and with that idea in mind, he falls asleep in John’s chair. 

 

He is woken up by the sound of the entrance door closing. He immediately gets up, even feeling a bit dizzy from how quick he had got himself off of the chair.

John arrives at the top of stairs and sees all Sherlock’s discarded clothes on the floor, especially his coat, his armour. He appears in the doorway, looking with wide eyes at Sherlock wearing his jumper.

And Sherlock actually feels the tears coming up again.

“John…” he breathes out and gets on his knees.

“Please… don’t leave me… I’m sorry… just forget about this John… don’t leave me… we could still be friends… I promise I’ll…”

John feels the tears come as he sees Sherlock like this, so vulnerable, in front of him, which reminds him of the time they thought they would blow up with the bomb in the underground after Sherlock came back. Only this time he knows that Sherlock is not acting, this is real…

 

“Sherlock stop!” he says louder than he intended.

 

Sherlock looks down at his knees and John swears he can actually see Sherlock’s tears falling to the ground. That’s enough he tells himself, enough suffering for this man.

He goes to Sherlock but Sherlock retreats.

 

“No John! Don’t touch me! Don’t… if you want to leave then just leave… don’t make things more complicated please…”

 

“Who says I was leaving?”

 

Sherlock looks up a bit but not quite looking at John yet.

“Sherlock please… look at me”

 

Shyly Sherlock looks up to John. And John just wants to hug him and tell him right there and then that everything will be alright, trying to erase this sadness in his eyes and off his face.

 

“Sherlock, I don’t want to leave you… I’m sorry I reacted the way I did earlier… it’s just… I needed some times on my own to get my mind around this… I’m sorry Sherlock, but now I have taken a decision…”

 

Sherlock looks down again.

 

“Sherlock please… Look at me; I have something for you…”

 

But Sherlock only shakes his head, he knows that the decision that John had taken would not be good for him, he is practically sure, that John would repeat once again that he is not gay, that he will maybe stay but only if Sherlock forgets about his feelings for him, ‘as if that would be possible’ Sherlock thinks to himself, ‘me not loving John, this is impossible!’

 

“Give me your hands then…”

 

Sherlock holds out his hands in front of John not looking at him.

John takes both of Sherlock hands in his and places a kiss on each, while slipping the small box in them.

 

Sherlock looks at the box in his hands frowning.

 

“Go on, open it Sherlock” says John.

 

Sherlock opens it and gasps at the sight of the ring.

 

“I engraved it; I hope you don’t mind…”

 

Sherlock takes the ring off of the box and examines it, he reads:

 

“WSSH & JHW, Amor Omnia Vincit …” Sherlock feels his lips tremble “Love conquers all?” he asks John.

 

“Yes, and oh wait you might need that to examine it better” says John going to Sherlock coat, he takes his magnifying glass, and hands it to Sherlock.

 

Sherlock opens it and looks more closely at the inscriptions on the ring, there is written:

 

Sherlock, my best friend, my love, never doubt I love you - JHW

 

And tears of joy and disbelief make their way to Sherlock’s eyes. He can’t believe it.

 

“I knew from the moment I met you” interrupts John.

 

“What?” replies Sherlock looking at John more properly.

 

“That you were the man of my life and I would do anything for you… and I’m sorry it has taken so long to me to come in terms with this but now I can actually say it without being afraid…”

 

Sherlock looks at him with a questioning look.

 

“William Sherlock Scott Holmes, I love you. Would you like to marry me?”

 

Sherlock feels so surprised he thinks he could actually faint. He never knew that he out of all people could actually react like that. It takes him several seconds to get his mind around this.

John thinks he actually freezes Sherlock, like he did when he had asked him to be his best man at his wedding. He knows that it is a perfectly normal reaction when it comes to Sherlock, his mad man, so he just waits for him to get back to earth.

 

Sherlock opens his mouth several times, but he seems unable to form words.

 

“So?” John tries to push a bit.

 

“Ye…yes!” Sherlock breathes out.

 

And it’s John’s turn to have tears in his eyes. 

 

“Thank god!” he says before cupping Sherlock’s head and kissing him passionately.

 

When they break the kiss to catch their breath, Sherlock says:

 

“I love you too, John”

 

“I know, love”

 

“Love?” questions Sherlock

 

“Yes, you don’t like this nickname?”

 

“Oh I adore it…sweetheart…”

 

“Sweetheart?” John says lifting his eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not really used to nicknames, is that not good?”

 

“No, it’s perfect love” John smiles and Sherlock smiles back at him.

 

“Wait I forgot something…” John says getting up and going to the trash. He takes back the folder that Sherlock had thrown earlier, goes to the last page and grabbing a pen, signs it.

 

“There! All we need to do now is to return it to the city council. When would you like to get married?”

 

“I…I don’t… I don’t know…” says Sherlock in disbelief.

 

“It’s okay! We’ll figure it out at a date later, love, don’t worry…” John says going back to Sherlock and placing a small kiss to his lips.

 

“Now would you like a cup of tea?”

 

“I… Yes please… Sweetheart!”

 

“Take a seat on the sofa, I’ll go put the kettle on… oh and by the way, I really like your jumper!”

 

Sherlock blushes.

 

“Actually it’s yours… John”

 

“I know, you idiot” John says, going to the kitchen laughing.

 

Sherlock pretends to be offended for one second but as soon as John has turned his back, he smiles from ear to ear.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I was a bit busy with UNI, but here is chapter 9 :)
> 
> As always thanks to my beta reader SilentRaven97.
> 
> I have sent the three next chapters to be beta, so once I've received them back, I'll post them ;)   
> Moreover, in one week I should be on holidays so I'll probably have more time to write a few chapters and actually finish this story I think. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it so far!   
> Thanks to those of you who had leaved kudos and comments, it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> Enjoy your reading ;)

John and Sherlock are cuddled up on the sofa, drinking their tea, when John breaks the comfortable silence.

 

“Who would you like to tell first?”

 

“Mmh? Tell what?” Sherlock asks not really understanding the question and snuggling closer to John, trying to convince himself that this is real, that John is here next to him.

 

“About us, of course!”

 

Sherlock seems to not fully understand what John means, he frowns.

“What about us?” He asks, looking up at John.

 

“About us being together, about us being in love and getting married… what were you thinking?”

 

“I wasn’t thinking.”

 

“That’s what I thought, are you even here with me Sherlock?”

 

“Yes John, it’s just… I… it doesn’t seem real… to me…”

 

“What doesn’t seem real Sherlock?”

 

“Us… you being here with me… but more than that, loving me apparently… I don’t understand… why?… What changed your mind?”

 

“Oh Sherlock, I’ve always loved you… it just… well, when my sister came out… my parents didn’t react well to this news, if you know what I mean… especially my father… he kicked her out of the house for a few weeks, and when she was allowed to come back he never talked to her again… He was always telling me that what she did was a dishonour for the family, that it was not natural to love someone of the same sex, that it was some sort of sickness that needs to be cured… and all sort of stupidities. He repeated it so many times that these ideas succeeded in making their place in my head. At that time my sister and I grew apart… I entered the army, following the advice of my father, and as I wanted to become a doctor, I took this path in the army. During my service, I felt it for the first time, this sort of attraction for another man… I told myself that it was due to the admiration that I had for this man, and the fact that I was probably sexually frustrated, as this small voice in my head was repeating to me that I was not gay…”

 

Sherlock interrupts John: “This man… you felt attracted to, it is your previous commander, isn’t it? Major Sholto?”

 

“Yes it was, I was attracted to him but I never really… well I mean there was one night when we were both quite drunk and we started to kiss and all… but he didn’t go very far and we both decided to forget it and never talk about it… I probably had some feelings for him but that is nothing compared to the feelings I have for you I swear!”

 

“You don’t have to justify yourself, John, we all have a past…” at these words John can see the gaze of Sherlock becoming blank as if he was thinking of some memories… probably some memories of Victor…

 

“Sherlock…” says John, trying to bring him back, he didn’t want Sherlock to suffer again because of that dickhead.

 

Sherlock looks briefly to John, with small tears in his eyes…

 

“Sherlock what I was saying, is that I convinced myself that it was some kind of mistake I made in the army and that it should never happen again, I had some nightmares of my father fighting me because I told him that I was loving another man… I had these nightmares then, and I had them more often when I met you… Every time we were eating take away together, chasing a criminal across London, having dinner at Angelo’s, every time we did something that couples could do, or could be interpreted as a bit intimate, I was dreaming of you, telling you that I loved you but then my father was arriving, he was hitting you or me, telling us that we were insane, and others people were arriving and saying mean comments to us…” John was becoming more and more paranoid thinking back of these nightmares.

 

“This is why you didn’t tell me you loved me before? Because you were afraid of what you father would say or that others people would judge us?”

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry Sherlock… but it was so difficult for me… I was thinking that what I was feeling for you was not good… and that you were not feeling things like this… or even if you were, like I thought when we met the woman or when I saw you with Janine, you would never love me because you were not gay…”

 

“John, seriously? Do you remember what I told you on our first date night at Angelo’s?”

 

“Our first what?”

 

“Date night.”

 

“You do know that we weren’t on a date…”

 

“Oh please John, stop it!” Sherlock gets up from the sofa “Why don’t you want to admit we were actually on a date?”

 

“Because we weren’t Sherlock!”

 

“No?” asks Sherlock slightly turning his head as if to say ‘You’re sure?’

“You once told me that dates were when two people who like each other go out and have fun, that’s exactly how I would describe that night, I liked you and I had fun, didn’t you?”

 

“Sherlock, it’s not like that…”

 

“No, John, tell me, did you or did you not have fun that night?”

 

“I… dates are better than that… Sherlock, you know…”

 

“How would I know?” Sherlock says in a low voice.

 

“What? What did you say Sherlock?”

 

“Nothing! You know what, forget it! The only thing that I wanted to say, is that that night I actually told you I was gay, if you remember… I told you…”

 

“You told me that girlfriends were not really you area but after that you were flirting with the woman and dating Janine, so I was confused.”

 

“I didn’t flirt with the woman, it was simply a game, she was the one flirting with me and I never answered it by flirting back, as to the question of Janine, I was only playing with her to enter Magnussen’s office if you recall.”

“Well it seems real to me when you were there with her, playing the lovely couple in front of me…”

 

“What? That seems real? For god’s sake John that was possibly my worst disguise ever! I was so uncomfortable…”

 

“Well it didn’t seem so when you kissed her…” says John lowering his head.

 

“That boring kiss? You want me to show you what a real kiss is to me John?” And with that he takes John off the sofa, pushes him to the door of the flat, grabbing his hands and putting them above his head, he then proceeds to attack his lips with all the passion he had in him.

 

John was so surprised that for a moment he was incapable of responding, when he starts, Sherlock starts to nibble at his lower lip to beg for entrance, and John lets him. For once, Sherlock was the one totally in control, and John didn’t have any problem with that, he moans in the kiss as he feels himself becoming hard in his pants.

 

When they were both out of breath and clearly hard, Sherlock stays close to John pressing their foreheads together, his lips still millimetres from John’s lips, he says:

“This is what a real kiss looks like to me John Hamish Watson.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long break that I had to take but me and my beta reader were very busy with UNI.   
> But here is chapter 10 ! I hope you'll enjoy it ;)  
> This one is a bit angsty.

_When they were both out of breath and clearly hard, Sherlock stays close to John pressing their forehead s together, his lips still millimetres from John’s lips, he says:_

_“This is what a real kiss looks like to me John Hamish Watson.”_

 

After that he distances himself and goes back to sit on the sofa as if nothing happened.

 

John is still high from the kiss by the door. He can’t believe what just happened; he had never been kissed like this in his whole life.

 

“Are you gonna stay there the whole evening or are you gonna sit back next to me?”

 

“Eh sorry” says John, catching his breath, and he returns to the sofa.

 

Sherlock immediately snuggles up to him. After some minutes spend in silence, Sherlock says:

“Sorry to bother you again with this but actually you haven’t answered my question.”

 

“What question, Sherlock?”

 

“What changed your mind about us?”

 

“Ah… A conversation with our siblings actually…”

 

“Our siblings? You mean you talked about us with Mycroft?”

 

“Yeah and with Harry after that…”

 

“What have you told Mycroft?”

 

“Actually Sherlock, I haven’t said anything to Mycroft, he was the one who spoke and I’m not supposed to tell you what he said, sorry…”

 

“What? Really, you made a pact with my brother against me?” says Sherlock distancing himself from John.

 

“It’s not a pact against you Sherlock! Don’t act like a child. You don’t need to know what he told me, the only thing you need to know is that he made me realise how much I love you…” says John trying to get Sherlock back next to his chest.

 

“No John! I need to know what Mycroft has told you! What was it?” says Sherlock getting up.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to let you know that we had a meeting in the first place, so I’m definitely not supposed to tell you what he said.”

 

“Oh please John, even if you didn’t tell me I would have deduced it… Actually I did deduce it when you arrived earlier…”

 

“I don’t believe you. You can’t have deduced it when I arrived; you were not in a state to make deductions…”

 

“You’re mistaken John, I had deduced that you had seen my brother, and it only strengthened my first theory that I made when you left after having seen the papers…”

 

“And what was this theory?”

 

“My theory was that you had indeed been taking a walk in the city as you had suggested, as I have observed some grass from Regent Park’s, I presume, on the sole of your shoes, this little walk made you realise that you can’t live with me anymore knowing my little secret, so you decided to go and see Mycroft or maybe knowing my brother you had been picked up by him. You then make an arrangement with him so you can have a new life I don’t know where, wherever it pleases you and you were about to drop by to say your goodbyes because that was probably the deal with my brother.”

 

“What a stupid theory Sherlock! Why would I want to leave you?”

 

“Because that’s what people do.” Sherlock says turning away from John. “Every time I love someone, they leave me or even die … I have become used to it… I… I rather see you choose to leave me than for you to die, I can’t lose someone else, it would break me John…” Sherlock starts to cry. 

 

“Sherlock, love, look at me. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not gonna die! You understand?”

 

“You can’t know for sure John. I told you; the people who I believe tried to love me back, when I told them that I love them, they died!”

 

“It was not your fault Sherlock! Do you hear me?! It was not your fault! I want you to stop beating yourself up for their death.”

 

“How would you know that it was not my fault? You don’t even know who I lost…” Sherlock gets away from John grip on him and his face and starts to walk away towards his bedroom.

 

And John thinks to himself; fuck it! He isn’t afraid of Mycroft and Sherlock has the right to know what he knows about him, he doesn’t want more secrets and unsaid things between them.

 

“Actually, I know Sherlock, Mycroft told me…”

 

Sherlock stops in his track but he doesn’t turn around.

 

“I know about your twin brother Sherrinford, I know about Redbeard, and I even know about that bloody bastard Victor Trevor! And that’s why I can tell you that it was not your fault.”

 

“You weren’t supposed to know any of this John! I didn’t want you to know any of this! What other dirty little secrets has Mycroft told you? Eh?” Sherlock turns around his face furious despite the tears in his eyes.

“Has he told you that for months my mother looked at me and cried because she would never see my twin brother grow old like me? Because Mycroft chose to save me, the slow little one, over my twin brother. And I have to live with the question of why it was me who had the chance to survive and not him? Going on and on in my head. Did he tell you that to try to cheer me up, my father brought me the most intelligent dog I have ever seen but because of me he was stung by a wasp that I had mistaken for a bee during my observations, and he died because he was allergic to them. I’m sure that he told you that when Lestrade had rescued me from the drug den I was practically out of my mind because of the drugs that I had taken because I was stupid enough to think that a guy like Victor could love a guy like me. Did he go as far as what I have gone through in Serbia to make sure you will not die because of me like Sher and Redbeard, has he told you that? Did he tell you that despite what you seem to think I was not enjoying some sort of holiday but fighting for my life, more importantly for yours! I bet he didn’t tell you all this sort of things or otherwise you are a big liar to tell me you still love me…”

 

And with this last sentence, he turns around to proceed to go to his bedroom; he stops in front of the door and turns around tears in his eyes.

 

“I will understand if you want to leave me now… It’s perfectly normal…” he removes his ring and puts it on the kitchen table and leaves to his room.

 

“Sherlock wait!” but Sherlock is already closing his door with one last look at John Watson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have a question for you dear readers: what do you think of the page setting ?   
> Is it too spaced ? Would you prefer if if it was more like a block ? Or it doesn't matter at all ?   
> Let me know ;) 
> 
> I think I'll post next chapter, next saturday or maybe friday, we'll see ^^


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 11, hope you'll enjoy it !  
> Thanks to my beta reader SilentRaven97

It was John’s time to stay sitting in the corridor for several hours, he spit all that Mycroft had told him out to Sherlock, so he knows exactly how much he knows about him. Sherlock didn’t respond. John stays some more and decides to leave.

The next day when he comes back he is practically sure Sherlock hasn’t gone out of his bedroom; the food that Mrs Hudson had made him was left untouched on the kitchen table. John had made the decision to come back today with a photo album of his early days in the army. He had written a letter to Sherlock about all he can possibly think to say about him, how his family was, and his relationship with Harry, etc. He wrote it all in a letter because he can’t possibly think that he could say all of this out loud to Sherlock, but he still wants him to know so they can be equals.

He slips the letter under Sherlock’s door, and left the album in the bathroom, so Sherlock could look at it without going out in the corridor if it doesn’t want to.

John proceeds to sit on his chair to read his usual medical journals while waiting if Sherlock is more inclined to come out of his bedroom today.

 

Sherlock lies on his bed wide awake, he hasn’t eaten or slept during the last 24 hours he realises, he decides to not acknowledge the noise of his stomach as a reminder of his negligence. The thing is; he doesn’t care, if he could just die on his bed he would be happy. He hasn’t taken any drugs because he doesn’t have any, his brother had apparently cleaned his flat before he came back from the hospital and he didn’t want to go out on the street to find some. So he just lies there, waiting to die from  lack of sleep (probably not), lack of food (too long), dehydration (more probable), boredom (quite possibly), lack of John (for sure).

Though he could not blame John, knowing all he seems to know about Sherlock… well no one who knows all of that could love him… He has decided to at least spare him having to find some decent excuses by sending him away. He is quite sure that John had started to move on with his life, that he would find another Mary, though he hopes not another assassin, he makes a note to asks Mycroft to keep an eye on his frequentations so he stays safe.

He hears some footsteps approaching his bedroom door, some footsteps similar to John… no it’s not possible… ‘Starting to hallucinate again Sherlock, seriously?’ he hears himself saying in his head ‘it’s only been a few hours… I can’t trust my mind.’

But then he sees a sheet of paper making its way under his door, and then the bathroom door opening and then closing again, and the footsteps moving away.

 

When he thinks the footsteps are far away enough, he decides to get up of his bed and picks up the sheet of paper, he unfolds it and starts to read:

 

_Sherlock, my love,_

 

_I know you’re angry that Mycroft had spit all those things out to me; I can promise you that I didn’t ask him to. He only thought that_ _it_ _was necessary for me to know your whole story so I can understand you and your reactions better, and realise how much you seems to love me and care about me. I would like to inform you too that none of those things actually changed my opinion of you or ma_ _de_ _me love you less._

_I_ _also feel_ _the need to apologise for the hell I cause_ _d_ _you when you came back_ _._ _T_ _hough I know that I_ _could_ _never apologise_ _enough,_ _if you let me I_ _will_ _spend my whole life trying to make it up to you, for all the hell you have been through, all of this miss_ _ed_ _opportunities, all the time_ _s_ _I wasn’t there for you._

_Sometimes I wish I was there when your brother died or when Redbeard died, so I could have tried to comfort you for the pain in your heart, I would have let you_ _cry_ _on my shoulder if you needed to, or anything that I could do to make you feel better I would have surely done. I wish I was there to protect you from this Victor Trevor, to prevent him_ _from_ _hurt_ _ing_ _you, and prevent him_ _from_ _introduc_ _ing_ _you to those horrible drugs._

_I wish I knew your dilemma on that roof so I could have prevent_ _ed_ _you_ _from faking_ _your death. And surely if I was there_ _i_ _n Serbia or on any_ _other of the_ _countries you have been to, I would have killed everyone who_ _dared_ _to put a finger on you and hurt you._

_As you understand I wasn’t there through all this, but I wish you_ _’ll_ _let me be there through all that is to come. When I sa_ _id_ _I wanted to marry you, I was serious, I want to grow old with you,_ _be_ _there for you, protect you, show you how much I love you and how much you’re important to me every single_ _day_ _that_ _is_ _to come, if only you_ _’ll_ _let me be your husband._

 

_Now I have decided, so we can be equal, to tell you my life story as Mycroft has told me yours. You w_ _ill_ _find if you care to get up to the bathroom a_ _photo album_ _to illustrate a bit what is to come…_

 

Sherlock puts the letter on his bed and goes to the bathroom. He sees sitting on the little shelf next to the sink a green photo album. It is brand new and on the cover is written:

 

_To my husband Sherlock Holmes._

_JHW_

 

He opens it while going back to his bedroom. He smiles to himself when he sees a picture of John as a cute baby.

 

John smiles to himself too as he hears Sherlock going to the bathroom, surely to retrieve his album. His plan seems to work, Sherlock is not cutting him out completely and seems to accept what he has to offer him for now. He gets up to his old bedroom with his bag to get changed, if he is lucky enough, he could go through the next step he had planned.

 

Sherlock continues to read the letter, with the album next to him.

 

_So if you ha_ _ve_ _been a good boy and g_ _ot_ _your arse out of the bed, you should be watching a picture of me when I was still a baby, please don’t laugh._

_Next to it is a photo of me and Harry, one of the only one_ _s_ _I_ _have_ _from the two of us. After she announced to my parents that she was gay, my father was so furious, he threw all the photo_ _s_ _she appeared in_ _away_ _, I managed to sneak that one and hide it, my mother probably had a few on her own I assume._

_Harry and I didn’t really get along apart from when we were children, though it didn’t last very long, we sort of drift_ _ed_ _apart when she entered secondary school. And then with all the mess that happen_ _ed_ _with my father after her revelation, I didn’t talk to her until a few months before I came back from Afghanistan._

_We still didn’t see each other often after I came back, but as you know we talked from time to time._ _It_ _wasn’t until you were supposedly dead that we became closer, she was there for me even though I would never imagine it, I think she knew then what I was feeling for you though I_ _hadn’t admitted it_ _to myself yet. She knew and she saw how I suffer_ _ed_ _when you were gone, and she kep_ _t_ _me hanging on, trying to encourage me to live again and not stay in Baker Street crying, feeling memories everywhere. Under her advice, I start_ _ed_ _a new job and move_ _d_ _out, after a few months I met Mary, Harry didn’t really appreciate her_ _and_ _she started to leave me alone again. I think my sister even if she’s not perfect, ha_ _s_ _a good instinct for people, and she knows what is best for me. She knew Mary was not a good person, and she knew I love_ _d_ _you before I even_ _knew_ _myself._

_Concerning my relationship with my mother, I don’t really have a lot to say, she is a good mother, and we get along, she is a bit protective like all mother_ _s_ _but not too much that she would keep me from living my life, I mean she did let me enter the army, so._

_The worst relationship I had as I_ _suppose_ _you’ve already deduced is with my father. He was in the army too, and he is the typical commander for whom you always_ _have_ _to follow rules. We basically had rules for everything in the house, from the way things should be tidied, to where and the way we should sit, the way we should talk and the list goes on and on… Of course when we reached our teenage years, me and my sister, tried to go against the rules like every teenager._ _It_ _was during those years that he started to beat us. I had suspected that he was beating my mother for several years, but he had never_ _hit_ _us until that_ _day_ _. The first time was when I_ _got_ _home from school with a word from the director, because I had insulted one of my_ _professors_ _. I know it was bad, but I don’t think I really deserve what happen to me afterwards. He was intelligent enough to hit us where no one would see_ _except_ _if we got undressed, like in the chest or in the thigh. All my scars ha_ _ve_ _disappeared through the years, happily, though_ _there_ _are still mental scars that haven’t really healed if I’m honest._

_I know that is nothing_ _compared to_ _what you had_ _to live_ _through_ _…_

 

_You already know what happen_ _ed_ _in Afghanistan, following one conversation we had a_ _few_ _months after I moved in if you remember… Oh I’m sure you remember; it_ _might_ _even_ _be_ _tucked away in your mind palace,_ _might it not_ _?_

 

_What else can I tell you?_

 

_I’m a bit short_ _on_ _ideas, but if you ha_ _ve_ _questions, I promise to answer them whenever you like._

_I hope you enjoy the photos I put in there, I also put_ _in_ _the only photos I have from the two of us, there are only_ _those_ _from the papers I’m afraid, apart from that one that Mrs Hudson had managed to take at one Christmas. I hope we could complete this album together now; I would_ _like to_ _try to ask Mycroft for_ _a_ _photo he had shown me of you as a little boy, you were really cute you know._

 

_Anyway if you are interested, you should probably find me in the living room, because I decided not to move until you talk to me so the ball is now in your court, will you let us_ _have_ _a chance to love each other?_

 

_Your John_

_XXX_

 

Sherlock is crying on the letter, if he is honest he probably already knows or at least had some ideas about all the things concerning John’s life so it’s only fair that John knows these things about him too if they want to be equal.

The thing he doesn’t understand is why John still wants him after he knows all of these things about him…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 12, hope you'll enjoy it ^^   
> And as always I'd like to thank my beta reader SilentRaven97 for correcting my mistakes

After several minutes in which Sherlock composed himself, he decides to face John.

When he opens his bedroom door, John flies up from his chair in a second and turns to look at Sherlock. But Sherlock hasn’t looked at him yet, he is still watching the floor unable to express what he wants to say.

 

“Have you decided to talk to me again Sherlock?” John asks with a gentle voice.

 

“I think so… John… I’m sorry!” and with these two last words, Sherlock looks up at John.

 

John is dressed in a beautiful black suit that fits him very well if Sherlock is honest, he is so charming that Sherlock starts to realise what breath-taking means. He feels his mouth hang open.

 

“Sorry? About what darling?”

 

Sherlock feels he is about to faint, there’re too much emotions for him to take, first he has never seen John Watson look this handsome, and second did John just call him darling?

 

“Sherlock are you alright? You’re actually scaring me…”

 

Sherlock feels his legs starting to give out and John is by his side in a flash to catch him.

 

“Hey there babe slowly! When was the last time you ate Sherlock?”

 

“John it’s not… it’s not…” Sherlock is trying to explain though maybe the lack of food is playing a role on all of this and not just the look of John.

 

“Calm down, we’re gonna put you back on your bed for a little while.”

 

And with this they are retreating into the bedroom, and John lays Sherlock on the bed.

 

“There love, maybe you need some water, don’t move I’ll go find you a glass.”

 

When Sherlock had finished his glass, he is looking at John with loving eyes, he can’t quite believe that it’s real.

“Are you feeling better Sherlock?”

 

“Yes John, I’m sorry… It was just that you’re… you’re…”

 

“I’m what Sherlock?”

 

“You’re so handsome!”

 

“Is that the reason you fainted?” asks John with a smile.

 

“Yes, I mean, I never saw you look so handsome like this, why are you wearing a suit? Do you have an important meeting?” answers Sherlock, smiling back at him.

 

“First of all I’m a doctor Sherlock, so I know you didn’t faint just at the look of me, you clearly haven’t eaten and probably drunk in a while, and secondly yes actually I have a very important meeting!”

 

“Oh!…” says Sherlock a bit surprised and deceived that John hadn’t dressed like this for him .“May I ask with whom? Did you get yourself a new girlfriend?”

 

“No I didn’t, because I’m already in love with someone, something that you should be aware of… I have an important meeting with him.”

 

“Oh so you got yourself a boyfriend then? What is he like? Do I know him?”

 

“Yeah I think you do, he is a very stupid genius.”

 

“John don’t be ridiculous, you can’t be stupid and genius at the same time.” 

 

“Oh actually I think you can, ‘cause you’re the one who is being ridiculous here!”

 

“Am I?”

 

“Yes you are, I have an important meeting with the man who I asked to marry me yesterday, which by the way is you, if you don’t remember?”

 

“Oh!” Sherlock suddenly realises “We have an important meeting?” he asks confused.

 

“Yes we have, put on your best suit I’m taking you on a date!”

 

“A date?”

 

“Yes, a real date! You wanted to teach me what a real kiss was, now let me show you what a real date is like, ok?”

 

“Ok…”

 

When Sherlock is ready and they’re leaving Baker Street, he asks

“Where are we going?”

 

“Not far, you’ll see” John says placing a small kiss on Sherlock lips.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi dear readers,  
> I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story, but I get lost in series 4 and all the work I have to do for UNI...  
> But here it is, and to make up for the long wait, I post two chapters in a row. I think it'll probably be the end of this story, I may write a sequel but I'm not sure for now as i've got some ideas for a possible sort of fix-it fic for series 4, we'll see which one I'll write first...  
> Enjoy your reading and let me know what you think ;)  
> I once again want to say a big thank you to my beta reader SilentRaven97

They arrive at Angelo’s.

 

“Angelo, our usual table, for me and my date, and don’t forget the candle please!” John says.

 

“Sure Doctor Watson, Sherlock, anything.” says Angelo with a big smile on his face. ‘Finally!’ he thinks to himself.

 

Angelo comes back with the menus and the candle.

 

“There, it’s better with the candle, you were right Angelo, it’s more romantic, and I want this dinner to be as romantic as possible, I want it to be the best date ever for this handsome man that sits in front of me, so bring us your best wine, please.” says John smiling at Sherlock.

 

Sherlock feels himself blush at what John just said. For him, who always makes sure to be the most confident man in the room, it seems that tonight he has lost this battle to John, who’s radiating confidence whereas for Sherlock it’s all new territory and he doesn’t quite know how to act.

 

“Sure sir, pronto.” says Angelo flying to the kitchen.

 

“John why are we doing this?’’ asks Sherlock.

 

“Because you of all people, deserve a proper date, so you’ll finally know what it means.’’

 

“John even if this date is bloody fantastic, and I’m sure it will be, it still doesn’t convince me that it’s our first date. Every moment we have spent outside Baker Street together, has felt like a date, according to your description of a date…”

 

“I know but again I’m not sure that my definition was the most accurate one, and Sherlock, you definitely can’t qualify searching for clue on a dead body on a crime scene, a date.’’

 

“Why not? We had fun, no?’’

 

“You have fun on a crime scene, I know you do, but a date doesn’t imply a dead body, I’m sorry Sherlock these are the rules.’’

 

“Well your rules are boring…’’ says Sherlock, he then gets closer to the table “But if we exclude the crime scenes, there are still some moments we can qualify as dates no?’’

 

“What are you thinking?’’

 

“Well we can count all the times we have eaten here or elsewhere after a case or in between no?’’

 

“You mean all the times, you have taken me here or elsewhere so I could eat and you can watch me eat but not touch any of your meal? Again, I’m not sure it could be considered a date…’’

 

“So if I follow you reasoning, to count a dinner as a date both of us should have eaten… mmh?’’

 

“Yeah, so I can confirm to you that definitely didn’t happen…’’

 

Sherlock sits back in his chair:“Well sometimes, I stole some of you chips, doesn’t that count?’’

 

“That’s not what we can actually call eating Sherlock…’’

 

“Well what do you think I did with those chips?’’

 

‘’I mean eating a proper meal Sherlock, not just one or two chips you stole from mine!’’

 

Angelo comes back and puts one of his best bottles of wine on the table.

“There you go; a bottle of one of the finest Italian wines for you and Sherlock. So what would you take this time, Doctor Watson? Again anything you want is free for you and your date, Doctor Watson.’’ asks Angelo ready to take his order.

 

“Thank you but I think I’m going to pay this time Angelo…”

 

“No you won’t, I owe so much to Sherlock, and I can’t let you pay for your first proper date apparently.’’ he winks at Sherlock. 

 

Sherlock smiles but looks confused.

 

“I… I don’t know Angelo, I feel like…it’s not right… I have to pay, I’m not Sherlock…’’

 

“You’re not Sherlock but I know how much you mean to him so it’s the same, from now on, anything you like on the menu is free for Sherlock and for you, you can’t argue with that, I insist. Now is there something that’ll suit you on the menu?’’

 

“Mmmh thanks, the Pasta all’arrabbiata seems good to me’’

 

“Excellent choice, they’re on their way, and for you Sherlock nothing as usual, you don’t want to taste one of my courses?’’

 

“In fact, he’ll take the same Angelo.’’ interrupts John.

 

“No John I’m not hungry…’’

 

“No, no, none of that today Sherlock, this is our first proper date, we agreed we both have to eat, and do I have to remind you what happened not half an hour ago, mmh? You surely need to eat. Two pasta all’arrabbiata Angelo, please.’’

 

Sherlock put a look of disagreement/shock on his face, but Angelo ignores it completely, and John barely acknowledges it with a smile.

 

“Pronto Doctor Watson…’’

 

‘’And please stop calling me Doctor Watson, call me John, Angelo…’’

 

“As you want sir, I mean… John.’’ And with this Angelo retreats to the kitchen.

 

“So if that was your plan to get me eating tonight… You didn’t have to go through such an extreme as bringing the excuse of a date… you know’’ says Sherlock looking at the table with a mocking look.

 

“Sherlock, it’s not an excuse to get you eating, I really wanna take you on a date, show you what a proper date means… I mean I think I quite understand your lesson about a proper kiss, though maybe I’ll need another demonstration to be sure I understand…’’ John answers this to be as teasing as Sherlock. 

 

But Sherlock won’t take it. He gets up from his chair and goes to John.

 

“Sherlock what are you doing?’’

 

“You say you need another demonstration so here it is!’’

 

“Sherlock not here…’’John barely had time to finish his sentence before Sherlock was straddling him and kissing him senseless.

 

Angelo was about to give them their plates but retreats a bit, quietly, in the kitchen, hoping they won’t take it too far.

 

“Sherlock…’’

 

“Mmm?…John?…’’

 

They say between kisses.

 

“Sherlock I think… I think you need to stop now…’’

 

“Why?…’’

 

“ ‘Cause we can’t exactly snog the hell out of each other in a public place…’’

 

“Why not?…’’

 

“Get up you naughty boy’’ pushing Sherlock a bit off of his knees.

 

“Am I?’’ asks Sherlock getting up.

 

“What?’’

 

“Naughty? Am I naughty?’’ asks Sherlock quirking an eyebrow.

 

“Oh I think we have time to see that tonight Mr Holmes’’

 

“Well, we sure need to check who is the naughtiest of us Captain Watson’’ says Sherlock sitting down on his chair.

 

“Captain?’’ asks John surprised.

 

“Yeah I think I have quite a thing for soldiers’’ answers Sherlock, blushing a bit.

 

“There you go your pasta all’arriabbata, John, Sherlock…’’

 

“Thanks Angelo that looks delicious” says John.

 

“Well, it’s not really him who prepares it you know John, so I don’t know if you have to tell him, that it looks delicious… Though Pasta all’arrabbiata is not the most difficult meal on earth so I suppose with his knowledge level of Italian cuisine he could make it…’’

 

“He means thank you Angelo’’ says John kicking Sherlock under the table.

 

“Do I?’’

 

“Yes’’ says John glaring at him.

 

“Thank you Angelo.’’ Says Sherlock smiling at John.

 

“You did it on purpose, didn’t you?’’

 

“What?’’ says Sherlock looking at his meal, pretending to not have his full attention on what John was saying.

 

“You know what, this sassy comment instead of thanking Angelo, you did it all the time before… well… you know…’’ says John clearing his throat.

 

“I’m sorry John… I didn’t ment to remind you of this… I just… I thought you secretly liked it when I was being impolite like this…’’ says Sherlock looking at John with a sad smile.

 

“I did yeah, but you have changed since the day you made that decision on that roof, you have never been the same again after you came back.’’ says John, his eyes watering.

 

“I’m sorry John… I didn’t… when I was away… I realised many things… and… among others I realised that I was always being a jerk and if I wanted you to at least like me… I should just try to be a better man… I wanted to be more like you… To be better for you…’’

 

“Oh Sherlock, you know you didn’t have to do all of this to seduce me, you had me hooked since the day we met… but I’m glad you are more of a gentleman these days, it just shows how human you can be sometimes, though I’ve caught a glimpse of this part of you well before this…’’

 

Sherlock smiles again.

 

“Oh and one more thing, I want this day to be the last one you apologise for what you’ve done, I said I’d forgive you before, for leaving me for two years, and I meant it, I don’t want you to spend you entire life apologising for this, ok? I want us to move on from this, ok?’’ 

 

“Yeah ok, but you should stop feeling sorry for everything that happened to me as well, I don’t need any of your pity, what happened in the past, is the past…’’ 

 

“Ok Sherlock, but just so you know it, it was never pity, I know how you despise it…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the last chapter !   
> Enjoy your reading and let me know what you think ;)   
> Thank you to my beta reader SilentRaven97

After a nice dinner at Angelo, John had another surprise for Sherlock.

 

‘’Where are you taking me now?’’ asks Sherlock seemingly annoyed

 

‘’You’ll see…’’ replies John teasing

 

‘’Can we just going back to Baker Street, so we can continue what we had started at the beginning of our dinner before you stopped me?’’

 

‘’Even though it’s immensely tempting, no Sherlock, we’re not going back to Baker Street before I showed you my last surprise of the night’’

 

Sherlock sighs, so John kisses him in the cheek and says

 

‘’But don’t worry as soon as we’re finished here, you can take me back home and we’ll see who is the naughtiest of us, my madman’’

 

At this Sherlock smiles and blushes a bit.

 

They arrive at Barts.

 

‘’Seriously John? You’re taking me to Barts, you do know that even though it will sound bizarre to you I am in no mood to run some experiments, or take a look at some dead bodies right now…’’

 

‘’I know, Sherlock, stop being so annoying now and let me show you my surprise’’

 

They enter in one of the lab.

 

‘’There sit down here Sherlock’’

 

‘’Why?’’

 

‘’Just sit down, would you?’’

 

‘’I suppose I don’t have a choice so where are you going with this?’’

 

‘’Sherlock I want you to remember exactly what happens on this day 6 years ago right here…’’

 

‘’6 years ago, on this day… I don’t know… I was probably there… Oh oh!’’ says Sherlock suddenly realising ‘’John 6 years ago was the day we met, isn’t it?’’

 

‘’Exactly! I want you to close your eyes and remember this day, I’m sure you have it all in your mind palace so just describe me that day, I’ll help you with describing my vision of things ok? So you were working on…’’

 

‘’I was working on a case for Lestrade as well as a personal experience which consisted on determining how long after death bruises from riding crops still forms.’’

 

‘’And I had just met an old mate of my days here at Barts, Mike Stamford in Hyde Park, he takes me there, and takes me on a tour then introduce me to you after saying you were the first man who says that nobody wants as a flatmate, on the very same day I met him.’’

 

‘’Yeah actually I’ve just met him the morning of this day, he was attempting to make a boring conversations with me as always as when he comes around here, and I was telling him that I’ll probably be short of money to pay for a new flat I had found after I’d been kicked out on my former one, and I would probably be reduced to ask for help from my brother, he then suggest me to get a flatmate, to which I respond ‘’ Come on, who would want me for a flatmate? ’’

 

‘’I enter this room.’’

 

‘’And you says: ‘’ Bit different from my days.’’ Mike then proceed to introduce us, when I just remember that I needed to text my brother’’

 

‘’You ask Mike for his phone, as now I know you, you were probably being too lazy to get yours from your coat.’’

 

‘’You offer me yours’’

 

‘’You make some quick deductions and ask me: Afg..’’

 

‘’Afghanistan or Iraq’’ they say in unison

 

They smile at each other.

 

‘’I think that’s the moment I knew you were different, and I fell in love with you’’

 

‘’Impossible…’’

 

‘’What?’’

 

‘’You can’t have fall in love with me so quickly…’’

 

‘’Actually I could, I was drown in your eyes, your eyes which after all these years I can’t actually name the colour, I was impressed by your deductions, your character, your beauty, you…’’

 

‘’It works so?’’

 

‘’What?’’

 

‘’Since this day and all those days that follow I was always trying to make the best deductions possible to awe you !’’

 

‘’Of course it work and you even say it yourself that I have already express my admiration in every possible variant that the English language as to offer’’

 

‘’You’re quite right but I never thought that I could keep impressing you for all those years…’’

 

‘’Yet you did, and you still impress me everyday… you know…’’

 

‘’You too…’’

 

‘’What?’’

 

‘’You too, you impress me… John’’

 

‘’How can I impress you?… Oh I see… it’s another sarcastic comment of yours isn’t it?’’

 

‘’No! You truly amazed me everyday, I can’t predict your reactions, I can deduce you easily, but there is always something that I miss with you, something that I can’t quite get right, something very yours… I think that’s what makes me love you…’’

 

‘’What happens if one day I loose this?’’

 

‘’I doubt it, but there are millions of other reasons why I love you so you don’t have to worry…’’

 

They spend a few seconds in silence.

 

‘’Why you drag us here John?’’

 

‘’Oh yeah…’’ says John recomposing himself, ‘’I wanted to ask you something, and I wanted to ask it right this time, choosing the right place, and I hope the right time…’’

 

‘’What is it, John’’

 

‘’You know these things aren’t easy for me…’’

 

‘’John, what is it?’’ asks Sherlock, concerns feeling his voice.

 

John looks up to Sherlock eyes and let it all go, everything he wants to say coming easily to his mind as he looks at the man he love:

 

‘’Sherlock, 6 years ago in this very room, we lay eyes upon each other for the first time, this is where our story had started, we have had some ups and downs, a lot of crime scenes and difficult cases, some rows, a fake suicide, an emotional death…’’ John says sniffing, a tear falling from his eyes ‘’…a rather violent reunion, a catastrophic wedding, a big lie… Sherlock we are ready to kill for each other and we proved it, we are ready to die for each other and we proved it, now I want to know if you ready to live for me and if you can prove it by spending the rest of your life by my side, because I know I can… Please let me wake up next to you for the rest of my life, wake up to your smile. Listen to your violin when I’m having some trouble to sleep. Kiss you good morning and good night. Make you some tea when we have a quiet day at home and some coffee to help you solve your next case… Let me enjoy our silent moment when we reading, face to each other in our chair in front of a delicious fire… Let me hear you comment whatever crap there is on the telly… Let me have a walk hand in hand with you in Regent Park on quiet day and let me run hand in hand with you after some criminals across London… Let me grow old with you, let me be there for you like you’ve been here for me before… Please Sherlock… let me be your husband…’’ says John more and more enthusiastic and finally getting on one knee in front of Sherlock with the ring he had previously discarded.

 

‘’Oh John, there is nothing more that I would like in my life, I want all of this, I want you with me for as long as I live and after if it’s possible, because I can’t get enough of you even in a lifetime, I love you so much…’’ Sherlock get on his knees too and hug John as strong as he can, crying on the crook of his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: http://artsherlocked.tumblr.com/  
> If you had request or prompts you can contact me either through my tumblr or by sending me an email at artsherlocked@gmail.com  
> Hope you like the story


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